In a world that celebrates achievement and success, perfectionism has become a coveted trait. We see images on social media and in magazines of gorgeous people, many of whom perhaps have the figure or lifestyle we desire. Many of us believe that setting impossibly high standards and relentlessly pursuing flawlessness is the key to personal growth and happiness. However, the truth is that striving for perfectionism can often lead to negative consequences, including demotivation and compromised wellbeing. Manifestation, which is where you ask the universe for something, also has a part to play in this as you demand a dream to come to you, with no room for obstacles and delays that might run you off course.
In this blog post, we will explore the pitfalls of perfectionism and shed light on the importance of embracing imperfections for personal growth and overall well being.
The Illusion of Perfection
Perfectionism, A* (or is it grade 9 nowadays?!), meticulousness, obsessiveness; whatever you call it, having extreme attention to detail where only 100% will do can be harmful.
This trait is often driven by a fear of failure or a desire for external validation whether that's likes on Facebook or hearts on Insta. Many of us set unrealistically high standards for ourselves, constantly seeking to meet unattainable goals in crazy timelines as we think that other people have done something that we really want - and let's not forget that airbrushing and filters and plain scams are also behind a loooooot of what we see online so what we are gunning for is possibly not possible.
And so the pursuit of perfection becomes an all-consuming quest, leaving little room for your own appreciation of progress. This passion, whilst in principle is commendable, can have negative effects on those closest to you as well as in this endless pursuit for gold, you may overlook your achievements and dwell on shortcomings, leading to chronic dissatisfaction and unhappiness. This may cause you to become stressed, upset or even angry - emotions which might all play out on those closest to you.
Demotivation and Fear of Failure
Ironically, perfectionism can often lead to demotivation rather than increased productivity. The fear of failure becomes all-consuming, as one becomes overwhelmed by the pressure to meet impossibly high expectations. The constant need for perfection creates an environment where mistakes are seen as personal flaws rather than opportunities for growth. This fear of failure puts the brakes on the bits of you that could actually mean you succeed, such as risk-taking, for fear of getting something wrong or just not getting what you want so badly.
The Emotional Toll of Perfectionism
Striving for perfectionism takes a significant toll on mental and emotional wellbeing. The constant self-criticism and harsh judgment result in heightened stress, anxiety, and even depression. I see teenagers around town looking at themselves in their phones checking themselves out, not because they are vain, but because they want to look good...perfect even. They have their phone up and down to their face constantly to keep checking their reflection. How can this be healthy? Observing your every pore and hair out of place every few minutes does little to boost your confidence. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness can leave you feeling constantly dissatisfied, leading to a never-ending cycle of disappointment and self-doubt. Perfectionism can strain relationships, as the intense focus on perfection often creates unrealistic expectations for others, leading to frustration and disappointment. Perhaps you have put pressure on someone to cook your dinner in a way that has the right amount of fats/carbs/protein...Or perhaps the consequence of you not getting something how you wanted it to be has meant you have lashed out on those around you. Either way, being on show and perfect 24/7 isn't an individual effort.
Let me be clear, I'm not saying that you shouldn't always strive to do your best or try super hard to be good at stuff. What I'm saying is have a balance and take a step back sometimes to check in that you are not sweating the small stuff whilst everything else in the universe is still going to knock you off your feet. Sometimes, you might just want to let it go (said in your best Disney voice)....
The Power of Embracing Imperfection
Embracing imperfection is not synonymous with settling for mediocrity; rather, it is about fostering a healthy perspective on progress and self-acceptance. Recognizing that mistakes and setbacks are part of the learning process allows individuals to approach challenges with resilience and adaptability. Embracing imperfections also opens the door to self-compassion and self-care, cultivating a more balanced and fulfilling life. It's especially important if you have younger people around you. If they see you have a bad day but reflect and move on it teaches them resilience and to then really celebrate and absorb themselves in success when it comes whether it is due to hard work, luck or determination. Showcasing the ups and the downs is a great way to model what real life is about.
Cultivating a Growth Mindset
Shifting from a perfectionistic mindset to a growth mindset is crucial for personal growth and wellbeing. Yes, it sounds a bit woo…I get it. But take a step back and re-frame those things that might have gone wrong or that you might need to work on a bit more. There’s something called Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken silver and gold. It focuses on imperfections being beautiful and to make the most of what you have and see in the here and now. A desire to be perfect at everything, including sorting out your health and fitness can actually be preventing you from making a bigger impact on your long-term goals.
A growth mindset acknowledges that skills and abilities can be developed through effort, practice, and learning from mistakes. By embracing the journey of improvement rather than fixating on the end result, individuals can tap into their true potential and experience a greater sense of fulfillment.
Practical Steps Towards Balance
So, what to do!
Set realistic goals: Establish attainable goals that challenge you without overwhelming you. Break them down into smaller, manageable steps to track progress and celebrate achievements along the way. Think Tescos, every little helps....These goals can then become sustainable habits that come naturally to you, no stress and no hassle….Setting an impossibly high bar will lead to you being too hard on yourself and this is de-motivating so you will struggle to move forwards.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that mistakes and setbacks are opportunities for growth, and extend the same empathy you would offer a friend facing similar challenges. Chuck that negative thought in the fuck it bucket. Don't sweat the small stuff, in the words of Nike, sometimes you just need to do it.
Prioritize self-care: Nurture your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Do stuff that brings you joy, relaxation, and rejuvenation. Remember that taking care of yourself is essential for sustained success and happiness. So, perhaps it's a book club, or sinking yourself into the sofa to binge watch a box set - whatever makes you happy, save some time for it.
Embrace the learning process: Emphasize growth, learning, and development rather than fixating solely on outcomes. Enjoy the journey and the results will come.
Embrace failures as stepping stones toward improvement and leverage them as valuable lessons.
Keep records of your ahcievements and forgive yourself for any little blips - just work on ensuring there are more and more achievements as you keep moving forward. Having a lapse doesn’t mean you have failed, just remember the days when you did stick to your plans.
If you need help or support on your wellness journey, talk to a qualified coach who can help you put in place the right steps to ensure you have a sustainable and positive experience.
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